24th
Watching events that directly affect your life take place from a position of helplessness is hard. Not having the answers I need to effectively manage my expectations of the situation.. that’s hard too.
Lately I’ve felt out of control. I know, at the bottom of it all, that I have the power and am capable of successfully changing the position that I’m in, but the will to do so has somehow been tossed aside in light of the intensity that has been the last 3 months of my life. What’s left is a sort of indifference, a clouded discretion, a contently distracted me. Where do I go from here?
“Success is only another form of failure if we forget what our priorities should be.”
-Harry Lloyd
It is my nature to be idealistic. It is my nature to romanticize life. To romanticize seemingly simple decisions. Reality never seems to be good enough. If my life is not charged with passion, what life do I really have? Not a life that will ever quench my thirst. Herein lies my problem. I need to take a step back. I need to start using my head a little more. I lead with my heart, but my heart has a tendency toward selective hearing, omitting details for the sake of yet again making whimsical decisions in the name of instant gratification.
As this is a significant moment in my life and an even more significant realization of my tendencies, I can only hope and pray that I have the determination to make it through. I know what I want out of life, that much is clear. Unfortunately, the road was not made free of distractions.
